Goodbye Terrible Twos….I think

In just 1 short week, our beatiful boy will be 3 years old! It hurts to know that my baby is slowly turning into a big boy (in his own mind). And with this transitional turn of a page, this turning yet another year older, there are really only two topics we need to discuss here: Tantums and Potty Training (or lack there of). I must admit that when only a few short months ago I was with at my wit’s end with the screaming fits of rage that would come out of nowhere and usually before I could down a single sip of coffee, the tantrums have somewhat subsided. I can thank our wonderful behavioral psychologist for his sudden changes. Maybe they’re more subtle changes but just because I felt they would go on forever, they feel sudden to me. Either way, with one gingantic bill from the Doc, and a few tantrums less a day, I would say it all evens out to me. Although, I don’t quite understand why 2 year olds’ favorite word is no. Me: “Eat your breakfast.” T: “No.” Me: “Pick up your toys.” T: “No.” But now, Tanner has a whole new phrase that he’s added into the mix. He really likes doing things himself. And when I say things, I mean everything. If I carry his oatmeal from the microwave to the table, he gets very offended that I did it, when he wanted to do it, and he’ll say, “NO! MY DO IT!” No, I did not make a grammatical error, he says, “MY do it” for everything. And if I God forbid do something that he feels cannot be undone, watch out. Let the flailing begin. I’m not quite sure where he gets his OCD from (daddy) but if I happen to unlock the door and crack it, but he wanted to do it,he can’t just start from where I left off, he has to start all over and complete all the steps. Close door. Lock door. Unlock door. Open door. As annoyed as this makes me, part of me has to laugh because I’m not sure if in his 2 year old (almost 3) brain he’s thinking he just wants to annoy us or he really does have OCD tendencies. I’m leaning toward the later.
So with the tantrums simmering, we have yet another big event happening in our home. Whomever came up with the title, ‘Potty Training’, first of all, can go to Hell. I was once clueless at this whole process but now I’m starting to catch on. I’m starting to get smart. You see, the phrase ‘potty training’ is not meant in terms of the child. I mean yes, you are teaching this young soul to go to the bathroom on the toilet…but it is meant for the parents. See, it’s the parents who have to come up with all the millions of steps taken to create a ‘perfect’ potty senario for our child. We have to ask the child repeatedly 100 times throughout the day if they have to go potty. When they say ‘no’, which in my case is every time, then we have to start the bargaining process. “If you sit on the potty, then you can have your snack.” “We can’t go outside until you go on the potty.” And when that doesn’t work, we have to bribe them. The books and all the potty training videos in the world are meant to just confuse us poor parents even more. Let’s face it, if you looked up potty training in the dictionary it would read, ‘The training of the parent to come up with their own ideas and solutions for making their kid go to the bathroom.” I do also think that those parents who came up with all those potty songs and dances are super smart, because when your backs up against the wall, you sing a song about potty and you make up a story about poop. Why? Because the kids listen to that stuff. For instance, if I want my child to go on the potty, I don’t ask him if he wants to go. I bribe and bargain and sing and dance about the poop fairy. All kidding aside, potty training is not a box of chocolates, but after a day of doing it, I find myself usually eating a box of chocolates. The moral of this story, is that I’m pretty sure that by trying to do everything right in the potty training process, I am doing everything wrong. I’ve now switched it up. If you go poop on the potty, you get a car. I don’t care how many times you go, but every time you do you get a car. Go poop. Then get in the car, drive to the store and pick out a truck. Judge me all you want, it works and I don’t care if I go in debt buying matchbox cars, first of all they’re a dollar and second of all he’d rather play with those than eat, so lucky for us we found our secret weapon. Happy pottying everyone!

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